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Pickup sex

I was waiting up last night for Eris when she got home.  She had been out, but got back in time for me to see  her before I went to bed.  We chit-chatted and got into our pre-sleep routine.  We lay together and small-talked for a while.  I was feeling her bare skin against me and then I just started caressing  her,  just on her soft skin, then moving to where my hands and her wriggles led.

This lead further into a hot rousing passionate fury of plain vanilla sex.  No groups, no ropes, no whips, no cuffs, no toys; just desire and lust in priest-approved man-on-top-lights-out-in-a-bed sex.

It really was amazing.  

Even our normal sex is lustful, passionate, desirous, steamy, and hot while at the same time being tender, caring, loving, and intimate.  I did the things that Eris loves while she did her same magic back to me.  Magic that makes me loose control every time.  I could feel us moving in rhythms that only we know, that make us one.

I told Eris afterwards that it was fantastic for just  having 'pickup sex' -  I.e. no planning involved.  She agreed with me that even our normal sex is truly fantastic.

Night out

Eris and I have been having an uneven time of it on our recent outings - i.e. we haven't scored.  This is frustrating because hey, we're freaking hot! :-)  

However, in our town, there are two scenes.  The first scene we ran into is what I call the 'NASCAR crowd'.  They're very nice people and we've always had a good time with time, but we haven't quite 'clicked' with anyone there and we've had some less than standard experiences with them.  If I have a critique, it's that these folks, who are very fun, are too eager to hook up. 

The second crowd is what I like to call 'smug urban hipsters'.  These people are more our style, but it's very hard to get ' in' with them.  It's almost clique-ish, and there are actually a few rock stars in the group; rock stars as in people with for-pay websites.  However, after attending enough events and basically schmoozing, we're starting to get our 'ins'.  This crowd is almost too paranoid to hook up with new people; which is understandable but still irksome because we'd like to shag rotten some of these very nice people.

This post is about our most recent outing with the second group.  We attended a NYE event with this group and it was fun, but ran back into the irksomeness of the intro paragraph.  So, we thought we'd go to this bar meet the ringleader of the smug urban hipsters put together.  It's at a club that is re-organizing into a lifestyle friendly club.  

Here's the scoop: we get to the club and the doorman is dressed head-to-toe in black leather, complete with cap.  This takes me aback a bit, since it's slowly donning on me that this club isn't what I expected.  The gentleman directs us back to our group and as I pass the bar I notice a very large portion of the male gender at the bar.  As a matter-of-fact, they're all male.

Nope, it still hasn't kicked in yet.

We get back to our group and start chatting and exchanging pleasantries when it hits me - This is a gay bar!

I'm fine with the gay bar aspect of it, but I wasn't expecting a LS event to be held in a gay bar.  Although after some due consideration it makes a lot of sense.  Bar owners of all ilks need extra business, and both groups of people have non-traditional affection displays.

So we keep drinking and flirting and at one point one of the drag queens from the floor shows makes a point to stop by me and another LS friend to ensure that I'm doing ok.  I confirm that all is well and as s/he walks off I get the feeling that s/he was flirting with me.  

As the night wears on I get a distinct nod of interest from one of the bars more regular patrons.  This, for me anyway, is quite flattering.  I've had confidence issues from time-to-time in the LS because no one is ever really sure how attractive he/she is.  When gay men, and cute gay men as Eris and a friend told me, hit on you this is a total ego boost. It means: 

I am hot enough for gay men!

Now, perhaps this just means that these folks would hit on anyone, but at this point I'm going to take it as an indication that no matter what I think, my current fitness and eating routine is working well!

Eris and I mingle and drink and flirt and fondle all sorts of fun people that night, and even though we didn't manage to make it into any boudoirs or even hotel rooms, we had an awesome time.  We met some very wonderful and hot people - mormon swinger anyone - and we just felt connected to our group. 

The next outing is up in the air for scheduling, but at this point, I think we've finally made it past the initiation phase.

Roping

Eris & I attended the most awesome Midori Rope dojo a few weeks months ago. To quote Peter from Office Space "It was everything I thought it would be and more."

The great thing about this was that I already knew three of the four basic ties she taught, and one of the four body harnesses. For me, most of the drills and class were about opening my persepectives. As Midori says we often get caught up in the mechanics and forget about the atmosphere. I had been practicing different knot and all sorts of other stuff, but after I learned Midori tied one maybe two knots, I'm giving knot-tying up for Lent. Yes I know Lent is a long way away, but you can never start too early.

The second thing I got from this class was the perspective change. In many many scenes we revert to arm-to-arm, leg-to-leg types of symetric bondage and we don't open up to our imagination. Midori's focus all weekend was to get us to think in asymetries, as well as to use our environment with our bondage. During one of the speed drills, one of the couples used the chairs we were sitting on as a column to tie their partner. I was still stuck on odd body parts.

We also got to meet some wonderful kinksters. There were people, besides our instructors, who flew in for just this event; that was after they had attended Shibaricon. Meeting people into kink always opens your perspectives. There's what sells website subscriptions, and then there are the people who really make the scene thrive. Sometimes these two distinct populations intersect.

Little green monsters

Diva had asked me this in chat, and the subject also came up the other evening with a dinner guest.

That subject is jealousy as in is there any, or how do you control it since the both of you are consorting with paramours.  Here's a chat transcript with some editing:

Debauched: Is there ever any jealousy
TMAME: About what?
Debauched: the other people you are both involved with 

TMAME: No, we both know and have met them. Secondly our involvement with them is peripheral to our marriage.  We've even both played with them on Eris' birthday week. MFF was with my paramour and MFM was with hers.  She's been with two other guys but they spazzed on her a bit so she's never seen them again, plus we still play together.  The only jealously I've experience is just the ease with which an available woman can attract men.   My groove took a little longer to return.

Our agreement is that we will never hide anything from each other, and that our relationship is always always the #1 thing.  We've also got our rules for our 'nights out'.   It's one night every other week and we're always home by midnight unless there's some special situation (travel, etc.)

Debauched: All of this is new to me.  Until I found sex blogs I didn't know about a marriage like yours or the one Tess has It would be nice if my husband would have an open marriage but that will never happen.
TMAME:I'd say our marriage is closed, but our bedroom is open.  I'm very fortunate to have found Eris.

Debauched: Sounds like you are, was your marriage always like this?
TMAME: No, we started out pretty conventionally. I had had a very wild side before I met Eris(I was a male dancer), but Eris grew up very repressed.  However, when I met Eris she was way more sane than any of the other women I'd dated and I could trade the wild & crazy sex for just good sex and sanity.  I never thought I'd be able to live my dream relationship on the day I met her.  I just knew I loved her.  During the time before her awakening I just tried to love her unconditionally.  We'd always had a good marriage because I wisely married someone that was always interesting to me.  She still fascinates me every day.

Debauched: that is really sweet
TMAME: Thanks, you should hear it in person - bring waffles.
Debauched: waffles?
TMAME: Sweet, syrup...
That's how sweet it is :-D

In short, we keep the green monster contained by limiting our time outside of our relationship, plus we're still crazy for each other.  That, above all else, helps keep our relationship going.  The lifestyle has also enabled us to talk more openly about our sex life and keep our communication free-flowing.  We don't let things build, we try to get our expectations out in the open as soon as possible.

I can't say that what we do would work for every non-monogamous couple, but what we have works for us.

Strange days

I was going to blog about something that the divine Diva and I had discussed in a chat, but that will have to wait.

I am going to take you on my strange and wild adventure of last evening.

I met a couple who had emailed me on one of the swinger sites I frequent.  I'm not going to give you the site name, nor link to it because they get plenty of traffic and I don't really like the site.  Regardless, I'm listed on this site as a single straight male.

OMG, I've lied about my marital status!  No, not really.  Look we have hall passes, but no one believes an otherwise attached man could be out and about without philandering on his spouse.  

Hi, I'm spouse X from couple Y and I saw you single lady/attractive couple... *delete*.  It's not worth the hassle, so I'm listing myself as single and then coming 'clean' as it were during the first meeting.  I have no time to BS anyone.  If they're freaked out at that point, too bad.  They can call TLOML to verify my status.

So I meet couple Y.  Couple Y is an older couple and I knew that they were probably a bit outside of their posted age range.  However, they had been very patient with me and the seemed nice enough so I met them at a local eatery.  We chit-chatted for a while and I 'came clean' as it were and they didn't run screaming.  They invited me over to their place.  I wasn't feeling too lustful at this point, but I figured I'd be gracious and accept.  I also figured we could talk more freely out of the public eye.

I get over to their place and they go immediately to their basement.  It's a typical finished basement set - entertainment set, cheap carpeting, knick-knacks, bar, and a bed - hmmmm.  Oh well, we have a drink.  BTW never mix 7up and aged rum - it's awful.  Mr. Y has rubbed my shoulder on a couple of occasions and I just think that's him being friendly.  Some guys are like that, very touchy.  No problem, the Mrs. is showing interest in me and I'm getting my randy up.

During the time I'm making out with Mrs. the Mr. is rubbing my shoulder and telling me how good I look.  At this point, I feel the need to make something clear.  "I'm not bi" I say.  That's ok, says the Mr. it's all cool.  I told him I was fine with the touching and back rub, but that's about as far as it goes.  He made an offer to perform some oral pleasure on me, which I had to politely decline.  I'm just not comfortable with that right now.  The touching is ok, but the sucking would have been weird.

What I hadn't realized was that their profile listed him as 'bi'.  That totally threw me for a loop.  Mrs. likes me, but Mr. wants to get me naked.  He strips me down and shows my low body-fat chest and abs to the Mrs. who is very appreciative, but I keep thinking that he is the one who's really turned on by all of this.

We proceed to the bed and start our fun time - well my fun time with the Mrs.  It's fine, he's encouraging me to shag his wife rotten and I oblige.  It's at this point I realize that I like to be the stud on show.  The Mrs. is not a blazing beauty, but you know, the thought of being the guy to fuck another guy's wife in front of him while he's cheering me on just gets me going.  During this first go-round he's touching my arms, back, and legs while I'm betwixt his mate's legs.  It's interesting, but it's a bit like getting a chair massage during sex.  He's encouraging me and flattering me so it's all good if a bit weird.

We go for a while then take a break.  During this break we chit-chat some more, and they're both snuggling me in the middle - he's a bit closer than her.  Again, it's not that I dislike it or am uncomfortable with it,  it just doesn't do anything for me.  It's nice, but it's not sexual for me at all.

During this rest period I have a bit of an epiphany on their relationship.  She likes screwing other men, but she wouldn't do it on her own if it wasn't such a big turn on for her husband.  He likes lifestyling because it affords him the chance to watch and be with other guys.  It works for them because, they both like guys. 

After this break we resume our shagging festivities and I make my way out.  I thank them for being gracious hosts and wish them well.  As I leave I decide I should really have a drink to get my thoughts in order.  I proceed over to a favorite bar of mine and swill back a wonderful concoction so I can gather my thoughts.  I text TLOML and PP#2 about the night's outings.  They're dying for details.  I give TLOML the run down when I get home.  PP#2, will see this when she reads it or the next time we get together I'll tell her.

I probably will see them again.  It was an interestng experience and I'm hoping to see if the Mrs. gets a bit more enthusiastic the second time.  I know the Mr. will still be cheering me.  I would like to find another, younger couple with a similar situation though i.e. he likes watching his wife be done by another man.  I do like being the guy out front.  It appeals to my inner exhibitionist.

I don't live in reality, I live in surreality.