Winning at life

I recently had a dear friend accuse me of 'winning at life'. Here was the start of that conversation which I found quite droll and thought provoking all at once.

Friend: [talking about competitive mindsets] It's not a fucking competition
Me: Yes it is! I'm winning the fucking gold!
Friend: Well yeah, not only are you hot, but you won the wife lottery too.
Me: And I still keep practicing my fucking, can't let my title lapse. Thank you btw.
Friend: You just kind of win at life lol
Me: It's not over yet.

That exchange made me think all about my wins at life. I have my on and off days and days where I wonder wtf I was thinking at the time and why I'm still thinking the same thing now. On balance, though I believe this friend was dead on and I have very very little about which to complain.

I'll give an example.

I met this very sexy lady online and met her for dinner & drinks. As I was making my way to our date, an unfortunate event occurred. I was in an accident. No one was hurt and I was only twenty minutes late for the date. My partner was understanding and we had a lovely evening flirting, talking, and getting a general background on each other.

During the course of the conversation, I'll call her Layla, mentioned that though she has always been a very sexual creature, she never had any sex toys used on her - ever. I was a bit shocked, which is difficult thing to accomplish with my carnal background, but ever the one to help I suggested our second date be sex toy shopping. The first date ended with a bit of rope bondage in public and some kissing. Win!

The second date started with dinner and lots of gazing. Have I mentioned that Layla is really stunning? I haven't, well she is and I do enjoy a good evening in the stun. She had bicycled to the date and while lovely, wasn't in 'outing' clothes. The top/dom in me took over and I said that she might have more fun if I took her home to change into something a bit more flirty. Short skirt achieved, we set off to the Pleasure Chest and the Stockroom. Win!

Commence the in car canoodling...

When we arrived at the Pleasure Chest they were having a class on spanking. My lovely date while aroused and sexual had had a heteronormative sex life post-college. This I thought was a decadent eye opener to start the evening. It also had the side effect of closing off the cheesier bit of the store - gag gifts and games.

As I took her around the store and explained to her about condoms and lube(they go together like condoms and lube), vibrating toys (cue scary Hitachi), ball gags, cuffs, collars, leather, rope, spreader bars, GIANT toys, silicone adult star replicas, metal, glass, and more vibrating toys, I could see the wheels turning in her mind. Sensory overload is a friend who I introduce to almost every date.

After the tour she wisely chose to get a Fun Factory Layaspot vibe. This, I think, should be the default first vibrator for anyone. Purchase in hand we set off for the Stockroom for the next bit of brain boggling.

The shop was closing but the very sweet clerk let us pop in for a quick browse. Needless to say, if the Pleasure Chest is a brain buzzing boutique, the Stockroom is a bazaar of bawdy bdsm bewitchery. Latex clothes, floggers, electro-stim, sounding, cupping, caning, etc. were all quickly inhaled in the brief time we were in the store.

As with all good shopping trips, this one ended with a cocktail. There was rum and a tiki bar involved. As we leaned our way back out to the car kissing and holding each other, there was a moment when I looked into her lustful eyes and suggested that she try out her new toy. She agreed wholeheartedly and we set off in the car to tour LA deep in the dead of night. Win!

I actually did have a plan to wander back towards whence we had driven.  As I'm driving around LA with this gorgeous woman who has a layaspot glued to her crotch my gps stops and I have to guess at where I am.  Is there a word for horny, thrilled, and worried all at the same time? There should be.

I drive through back streets and roads while she's reaching her apex of pleasure - with a dominant man, who helped her buy her first sex toy that she's publicly masturbating with in a moving vehicle. This is a second date for the ages.

Post-bliss she helps me navigate back towards our departure point. As we leave each other, we make plans to meet for an actual sexy-time date, and that's a win for another time.

The adults in the room

I was at a local BSDM munch(a meet and greet in street clothes) with a friend when she remarked to another guest "TMAME and Eris do poly better than anyone I know." Our table guest asked a very good question: "How does that work?" I had to collect my thoughts and explain it to a complete stranger and neophyte to the BDSM/poly world what we did.

Here's how it has worked for us so far. We started off as swingers and gradually morphed into poly-people. Throughout this incredible journey we've managed to keep a few things aligned for ourselves.

1. Our marriage and family come first. We are still madly in love with each other and we continue to work on our relationship daily. This is a labor of love so it seems effortless, yet it is only with our tireless, tiny daily efforts that it all works.
2. We've come to understand that we will never stop growing in ourselves, our understanding of each other, and our understanding of other people.
3. Our extra relationships are not an 'out' of our relationship. Too many times Eris and I see people bounce from one person to another never fully realizing that it wasn't their partners issues but theirs that caused the break up. See #1.
4. We still love to date each other. The best piece of advice I ever got was "Never stop dating your wife." I do that to the best of my ability.
5. Jealousy happens, but for us it's not jealousy of the other's partner but envy that they are 'in the flow' of extra relations. I've had times when I'm juggling three potential paramours, and Eris the same. These juggling times rarely coincide. So while one of us is hot, the other is cold. We expect the ups and downs and while they're not pleasant, we're not distracted from the fact that those trials will end.
6. Our sex life still rocks.
7. We have an amazing set of poly and kink friends that inspire and motivate us to be the best we can. It's nice to be noticed as doing something well, but I think Eris and I could both point to other poly people we know that do poly amazingly.

I'll finish up with a recent example. Eris has started dating a new guy and has been in the new phase. I'm happy for her that someone else also realizes how amazing she is. My most recent paramour has been away for sometime and while I've missed her and my pool of dates is dry for now, I know that things will get busy for me again.

Even while we make our ways through the dating pools, we still get up for work, take care of the kids, cook dinners, and no one could tell the difference between us and a typical married couple.

If you are in a shell

Thank you internet for bringing me zefrank.  My dating games always start with me in a shell for some strange reason.

Well that cleared up some time.

I'm apparently going to have some free time to start dating in the near future.  Eris and I are fine, it just seems that another erstwhile relationship has gone belly up.

C'est la vie.