Little green monsters

Diva had asked me this in chat, and the subject also came up the other evening with a dinner guest.

That subject is jealousy as in is there any, or how do you control it since the both of you are consorting with paramours.  Here's a chat transcript with some editing:

Debauched: Is there ever any jealousy
TMAME: About what?
Debauched: the other people you are both involved with 

TMAME: No, we both know and have met them. Secondly our involvement with them is peripheral to our marriage.  We've even both played with them on Eris' birthday week. MFF was with my paramour and MFM was with hers.  She's been with two other guys but they spazzed on her a bit so she's never seen them again, plus we still play together.  The only jealously I've experience is just the ease with which an available woman can attract men.   My groove took a little longer to return.

Our agreement is that we will never hide anything from each other, and that our relationship is always always the #1 thing.  We've also got our rules for our 'nights out'.   It's one night every other week and we're always home by midnight unless there's some special situation (travel, etc.)

Debauched: All of this is new to me.  Until I found sex blogs I didn't know about a marriage like yours or the one Tess has It would be nice if my husband would have an open marriage but that will never happen.
TMAME:I'd say our marriage is closed, but our bedroom is open.  I'm very fortunate to have found Eris.

Debauched: Sounds like you are, was your marriage always like this?
TMAME: No, we started out pretty conventionally. I had had a very wild side before I met Eris(I was a male dancer), but Eris grew up very repressed.  However, when I met Eris she was way more sane than any of the other women I'd dated and I could trade the wild & crazy sex for just good sex and sanity.  I never thought I'd be able to live my dream relationship on the day I met her.  I just knew I loved her.  During the time before her awakening I just tried to love her unconditionally.  We'd always had a good marriage because I wisely married someone that was always interesting to me.  She still fascinates me every day.

Debauched: that is really sweet
TMAME: Thanks, you should hear it in person - bring waffles.
Debauched: waffles?
TMAME: Sweet, syrup...
That's how sweet it is :-D

In short, we keep the green monster contained by limiting our time outside of our relationship, plus we're still crazy for each other.  That, above all else, helps keep our relationship going.  The lifestyle has also enabled us to talk more openly about our sex life and keep our communication free-flowing.  We don't let things build, we try to get our expectations out in the open as soon as possible.

I can't say that what we do would work for every non-monogamous couple, but what we have works for us.