Homework

Layla and I have a routine date of every other Monday night. This night was going to be a bit different because it was homework from a class I'm taking on BDSM. That's right, I'm still learning and yes I had to do this for class.

I walked up to her apartment with evil plans involving clothespins, blindfolds, and a wonderful purple buttplug.  I commanded her: "Go fetch a towel, your collar, and remove your clothes when you come out." While Layla was off fetching her gear and removing clothes, I pulled a chair out.

When she returned nude with collar and towel in hand and somewhat confused, I put the towel on the floor, had her hand me the collar, then knelt her on the towel and closed her eyes. I strode purposely away from her. My boots trod the hardwood in deliberate steps away as I slapped her collar against my hand. I paced towards her still slapping the leather against my hand. As I bent down to fasten it around her neck, I whispered into her ear "Your cunt, mouth, and ass are mine tonight". I attached the collar with a snug tightness before a slight release to it's normal setting around her neck. From my pocket I produced my leather blindfold and wrapped it around her.

Standing her up, I told her to follow me two steps forward and stand still. I picked up the towel from the floor and placed it on the chair. Moving the chair against the back of her legs I told her to sit down. She sat down tentatively, expecting a surprise but none was to be had save the warm towel vs. the cool wooden seat.

I told her to spread her lovely legs and put her hands to the side. Layla was going to be on display for me. As her legs opened, I went into my kit and got the bondage tape and clothespins. I used four pins to pinch her inner to her outer labia. Her breathing got a bit shorter with each clip. After attaching her labia to each other I took the bondage tape and wrapped the pins to her inner thighs opening her up and keeping her exposed. I then attached her ankles to the legs of the chair.

Standing back to admire my work, I commanded her to touch herself. She started to work her fingers in the now narrow area around her clit as I watched. Her breathing started to go into pleasure mode and I kept a close eye on her as her arousal continued to accelerate. As she started into her intense pleasure climb, I told her to stop. Pleas escaped her lips but they were ignored as I told her to stand.

I helped her to her feet and started with phase two of the evening - the purple plug. I put on gloves, lubed it up with some Boy Butter(it's seriously awesome - get some), and placed it on the towel on the chair. With the Boy Butter on my fingers, I started to lube up her cute ass. One, then two fingers slipped in; as she was feeling the pleasure of my digits I told her to hold that thought. Reaching for the plug I inserted the tip of it inside her. This drew out an intake of breath as this plug is not small.

Partially in, I had her sit back down to insert the plug the fully. This was greeted with a delightful moan from her lips. As she was seated I ungloved and reached down to pinch the clothespins tighter, spending time with each one and making each one its own gripping experience. After this, I let my fingers explore her open cunt taking special time to tease her g-spot. 

Getting her arousal cycle into high gear again I removed my fingers and got my favorite pocket rocket vibrator out. Starting the vibrator, I sat down upon her trapped thighs and worked my vibrator down to her very exposed and waiting clit. Her hands gripped my arms as I drove her into a release orgasm. She begged for me to stop after the first climax but I reminded her that her cunt was mine for the evening. Taking the vibrator and pressing it firmly into her tender flesh I extracted another intense orgasm from her while riding her thighs and using my remaining free hand to squeeze her breast roughly.

After the second orgasm left her bereft of coherent thought, I dismounted her and started to release her from her predicaments but not before mercilessly pulling each clothespin off of her engorged labia. The shock of the removal was greated with an intake of breath and small yelps. As I removed the last pin, I drove two fingers into her to drag a g-spot orgasm from her while she sat overwhelmed with sensations. Cutting off the bondage tape from her ankles I let her stretch and recover.

Then the fucking started...

How to build a gang-bang part two

There's been a bit of delay from the last post, but life, the universe, and everything conspired to keep my blogging limited. For those just catching up, building a gang-bang is mostly about planning and logistics.  It is also somewhat about sex.

Let's introduce the cast of folks on the night in question:

Layla - centerpiece of the evening and receiver of banging
Lana - my other gf and fluffer for the evening
Long-time kink friend #1(Brett) - one of the first people I met in 'the scene' in LA.
LTKF's girlfriend (Angie) - his accomplice for the evening
Long-time kink friend #2(Kevin) - another good buddy in 'the scene'.
Long-time kink friend #3(Butch) - geez I'm running out of names I can remember :-)
Poly boyfriend #3(Tim) - One of Layla's other boyfriends that was more than happy to help.
Spectator couple - very attractive lady friend and her bf.

Attentive readers will note that the dramatis personae have changed from part 1. Did I mention how planning was important? Illness happens and did so to some of the prior people.

It is the day of days, the night of nights. Lana and I sojourn towards the hotel. I had chosen this spot from another private group sex party that Eris and I had attended. We arrive at the hotel early so that we can check the room out, lay out supplies and tell people how bad/good parking is. We take the room they offer and head up to check it out.

Upon entering, we find that is is nicely cooled but it is too small. There are two queen beds and zero room for more than four people sleeping. Back down to the front desk I go to get the suite that I thought I had reserved. Note to hotels - just calling all of your rooms suites is a bit of a disservice to those booking online. The hotel was great and put us in an actual suite. The suite had not had AC all day so we dutifully turned it to freezing and let time do its work.

We set up the party favors - one bed had all of the toys for the evening, rope, floggers, cane, single-tail, etc. I set up the liberator on the other since we may have a squirter attending. We also set up the supply station with a tray of condoms, several bottles of lube, and gloves. Have I mentioned how important gloves are? Then Lana and I went out for dinner secure in the knowledge that housekeeping was going to have a very interesting time the next morning.

Kevin arrives and we hang out and chat. Layla arrives with snacks and adult beverages. We help her set up the snack bar, and ice the beverages. Layla has very smartly done her shopping the previous night, dutifully loaded her car that morning and driven to work - in LA, in a warm September. The chips and dips and crudites she removes from her bags are fine. The Trader Joe's peanut butter cups not so much. They were more of a congealed mass of awesomeness that none dare approach without ingesting one thousand calories.

As we're laying everything out she mentions she wants a glass of wine before things get really hectic. To our horror, we've forgotten the most important piece of kit, one that is now part of my toy bag, the bottle opener. I call Brett and ask him to obtain one. If no one can have a drink, your party will grind to a halt.

While we're waiting, we nerd out to various topics. If the new Star Wars movie will be good. How certain esoteric studies are going. The etymology of common words. Intellectual foreplay at its finest. During this panel discussion, I go to shower and make my final preparations.

As I'm showering I'm going over the details of the event and starting to feel pretty good. I'm happily optimistic for the evening. Also that shower head was magical. Duly shaved(in all the places) and dressed, I emerge to the end of the panel discussion.

Brett shows up with Angie and the corkscrew. Let the party begin now! This was our only hitch so far. Time passes. Tim arrives and joins in our panel discussion while Layla is having wine.

One of Reid Mihalko's rule for having a sexy party is to bar entry to attendees after a deadline. That time was rapidly closing and Butch and spectator couple have not arrived. I'm not worried just yet, but I don't want to have to be the enforcer and tell these people I like that no, three minutes after deadline they can't attend. I would have, but thankfully everyone gets there with about ten minutes to spare and my last anxiety is assuaged. The other rule Reid has is to get in a circle and have everyone go over their name/STI status/things they may be seeking during the evening. This gets a lot of negotiation out of the way if you find out that "Hey X person wants MFM tonight and is into guys like me". Our circle established who was getting banged, and who was just watching.

The party is assembled, now we embark to lands of pleasure unexplored. Layla gets up and changes out-of-sight into her party outfit.  She walks out and I do believe everyone's jaws hit basement, maybe even the sub-basement, and thence stuck platinum. She's wearing this fishnet teddy with fishnet stockings all set off by a schoolgirl skirt and five inch heels. She's leggy and svelte on a normal day. Tonight she was killer, just absolutely gorgeous. We took a group photo for posterity(no I'm not posting it) shared it with the participants and then got the party started.

Layla brought the music and got it going. She wanted to dance and those of us in the group did our best while she tried not to break her ankles. While we are enthusiastic, we are not regular clubbers. Shortly after our writhings, Layla broke for some wine. This opening allowed the foreplay to start.

In almost every sex event, there is how you think things will start and then how they actually start. In my mind, I thought Layla might select a gentleman or two to start kissing and let thing proceed from there. That was thought was killed dead via the pride of lionesses that immediately surrounded Layla to comment on how gorgeous she was as they started to caress and kiss her. Thank for girls. Angie and spectator couple's woman are on her with hands and kisses. They very happily lead her over to the bed to laid down up on the liberator. 

Angie is very enthusiastic about Layla. Over the course of the night, I'm fairly certain she spent more time with Layla's labia than did any of the gentlemen. Soon Brett is called over and we have an FMF happening on the bed. I am pleased beyond belief and my pants are still on. Spectator couple reconvenes and watches the scene. The liberator is soon tossed from the bed since it has become more of an annoyance than an enhancement. Another reason to always insist on clean sheets from any hotel.

At this point I'm watching the FMF action and thinking, you know I bet Layla would be very happy to suck my cock while being shagged by Brett. This is where planning to bring your own fluffer is a smart move. Sexy times can be amazing to watch, but in this one-person focus setting, awaiting one's turn may not be as erotic as envisioned.

I call my dear Lana over to help get me up and going for the next opening. Lana dutifully kneels before me and starts her magic lips on my cock. A little bit of this gets my dander up and I take her hair firmly in my hand and start to throat fuck her in time to the shagging Layla is getting on the bed. When fully up to steam and an opening presents itself I stroll over to the bed and ask my darling Layla if she'd like to suck my cock while she's being shagged. Her reply of 'certainly' while grabbing and starting down on me brings a wide grin to my face.

Scene: Layla on her hands and knees working her lips on my cock, while being shagged doggy style by Brett and having Angie lick/play with her from underneath. As we're making/enjoying this scene, I notice Lana on her knees in front of Tim helping him. I'm well pleased with this since Lana is also an epic sexual creature.

We take a short break since bodies are falling off the bed and some general off-the-main-bed shenanigans are happening. Spectator couple has gotten down on their own thing and we're watching these sexy people do their bit. When the sex being had by the main participants encourages others to have sex, I think that's a good sign.

Post break Layla is ready to try the for the triple. I get on the bottom, Tim is positioned at the back door and we've got Butch ready for the oral section. I get in, Tim gets in, I slip out. Tim gets in, Butch isn't ready, and I get in. Brett heroically jumps up for our third. We have achieved a live real-person triple penetration. My girlfriend is airtight. I think we last like this for maybe five minutes before it breaks under its own erotic awkwardness. I'd like to think that for the participants and spectators this was one of the hottest things they'd ever seen. It was one of the magic moments of the night.

We break apart and Butch is ready and has some fun with Layla. Things get fuzzy in my memory for a bit but I think there's some Butch/Layla action while I'm watching I also think I shag Layla solo as well. I notice that Lana and Tim are deeply embedded with each other in missionary. I know that one of Lana's fantasies is to have an MFM. Seeing her with another man inside of her is hot and I walk over to offer her my cock. She reached for it eagerly and I can hear the moans as she's enjoying both Tim and myself.

As a deep perv, I've gotten to watch my Layla with other people, Lana on her knees with a new person, and now Lana with Tim and myself. To top this off, Tim has an epic epic climax (with protection) deep inside Lana. Having never played with Tim in the past I was amazed at the depth of his climax. It rivaled many women's reactions to sexual pleasure. Layla later informed me that this was typical of him. Lucky lucky man.

We try a second triple, I get the back door and I believe Brett is in the front and Butch is trying for the front. I get in, Brett doesn't, Butch is engaged until Layla starts adjusting for Brett and myself. This attempt falls apart and we all have a good chuckle. The room is feeling electric and erotic and fun all at the same time.

Angie and Brett and taking a break when I notice that Angie is wearing a jeweled butt-plug in for the evening. She and Brett engage each other for a bit. Watching a woman wearing said jewelry while fucking is damn hot. Brett and Angie disengage and Layla is back sucking on Brett's cock laying/lounging on her side. Seeing her at such a lovely angle I attempt another backdoor pass. This surprisingly works and we're getting an oral/anal MFM. This brings deep moans from all participants.

We disengage for drinks and awkward body angles. While we're picking ourselves up, I notice Butch and Lana going at it on the other bed - you go girlfriend! At this point, all of the women present have had some form of sexy times. Technically we're having an orgy as well but we can't be bothered to change the event title.

Everyone takes a break for a bit and I notice Kevin is missing. Lana tells me that during some engagement I was a part of, he told her that his head wasn't in the right space for this and he left gracefully. She tells me that she thought he seemed ok and that she made sure to check in with him. I make a mental note to follow up with him the next day just be sure he's ok.

Layla is endorphin drunk with sexual pleasure. I chat and caress Angie since she's lying naked across Brett and looking well pleased. We all remark on how well things are going. Spectator couple thanks us for the invite and complements us on the erotic energy present. After their departure, I take Layla over to the toy bed for some kinky shagging.

I tie her hands together and lie her back on the bed. Brett kindly holds them down while I grab her ankles and pull her legs apart. I enter her and start thrusting in a way I know hits her g-spot and hits it well. She's being held down and shagged hard towards a climax but something is missing. My inner dom leaps out and I grab my short cane and tell her to hold it in her mouth while I'm pounding her. This is effectively a predicament bit-gag and I tell her she must hold it at all times.

Layla is getting close to climax but the cane slips out. I stop, replace the cane and tell her to hold it and start my strokes again. The cane slips out again as she is tantalizingly close to orgasm. As I stop, I can see her glaring at me - she's just at the edge and nothing. Her eyes are plaintive and I tell her to say "please".  She does, I replace the cane telling her that I was serious about her holding it and that this will continue until she holds it through climax. We start again, Brett holding her arms above her head, cane clenched in her teeth. She flexes and writhes as her orgasm builds. She is a twisting dervish even while being restrained and this time she manages to hold the cane in her mouth during her orgasm. We release her and let her regain her footing.

It's a beautiful thing to see a person so engaged in pleasure that they may need help standing. Layla recovers, grabs a drink and asks for one final thing - a single tailing.

She lays down on the bed and I give her a very very very special single tailing. There are lovely marks and lovely noises from her. After the last lash, I cuddle and rub her. She's as content as a cat in a sunbeam, grinning drunkly from under her hair at me and the assembled crew. We then head into the shower for a wonderful warm soapy time.

We break camp and have a celebratory toast. The damage is as follows:

• Trash cans full of gloves, condoms, and bottles
• The condom tray is down to 1/3 of its original capacity
• Lube bottles are much lighter than we started.
• Happy happy people

We have the room but Layla wants to get home to sleep in her own bed. I wish to do the same. As we're packing up everyone remarks on how much acceptance, love, confidence, and openness the evening contained. As people wander off into the night, I am pleased beyond measure. This exceeded every expectation. Layla looks like the belle of the ball. Her grin and demeanor are such that you'd think she was the happiest person on earth and for that night she may have been.

I walk Layla to her car for lasting kisses and hugs, then Lana and I depart to spend the rest of the evening in each other's arms. We collapse into bed an celebrate another first for the two of us - the first overnight stay.

Waking up the next day I reach out to Kevin. He assures me that I was an excellent host and that Lana and the other spectators had made him feel more than welcome. I appreciated his honesty and manners in excusing himself. I'll be happy to have him at any of my other gang bangs in the future. 

Now comes the truly surprising part. I found out later from Kevin that Layla had contacted him to check up on him and his mental state. She wanted to see if there was anything she could have done as well and to be sure that he felt included. 

In that moment I went from being pleased to being proud. It's hard to put into words the amount of caring and outright love that poured forth from this debauchery. Layla, Lana, and all of the people who were there really made the night and the next day magical. I'm proud of them and of this event.

Lana is having an upcoming birthday and she knows what she wants for her next gift from me. This time we may hire a stenographer to take notes.

How to build a gang-bang part one

Since I last wrote many things have happened. I’ve been busy keeping two long term relationships going. This development has been a great joy in my life. In addition to Layla and prior to and hidden from this blog has been Lana. Lana deserves her own post since she was my first year+ relationship since Jinian, but that is not this post. 

Layla and I have been seeing each other through the better part of a year with occasional bouts of monogamy on her end. At one point, I mentioned I would be happy to be her platonic boyfriend if me shagging her bugged the other gentlemen in her life. Throughout the year we’ve played, dated, chatted, drank, talked, and moved furniture. I’m an all-purpose boyfriend.

One of Layla's dearest fantasies was to have a gang-bang. More on this, but first and aside: I’m pretty OK in the bedroom. I can wear out Eris and other lovers I’ve had throughout my swing/poly life. It’s one of my gifts. Layla and Lana tax my limits. They’ve threatened to have a three-way with me and I must say that thought is intimidating.

Back to the gang-bang. In my head, gang-bangs have rules. The first rule is, you can’t call something a gang-bang unless there is at least one more phallus than available orifice (I’m going to be horribly phallus/male centric in this post bear with me). I’ve seen way to many videos online where an MFM is sold as a gang-bang, that’s just a good evening. If you have a woman who only does oral and vaginal, you need at least three phalluses. More is better but three is a minimum.  Layla needed four. The second rule is that they also need witnesses. I recruited two couples that wouldn't participate but would watch. The third rule is nonexistent as far as I know.

Recruiting gentlemen for this task was no mean feat. For an amateur gang-bang it helps if they’d all been naked around each other before, were socially compatible, wanted to shag a woman in a group setting, and also wanted to shag the woman in question. The last part of the equation is the easiest, the second perhaps the most challenging. Can they all get along, will they understand that she’s occupied and they might have to wait their turn? Do they have fluffers? 

I’d tried in the past to recruit and found it challenging. I came up with a preliminary roster and went over it with Layla and she also suggested a paramour of hers that was poly and that I’d met prior to this. At the end of an evening I had six potential participants. This seemed like an excellent start. Now I just had to align the schedules.

I picked a venue. I picked a date. I picked a time that everyone could make it regardless of traffic. LA is awesome and cruel. I also remembered the words of Reid Mihalko on how to have a sexy party. (Find him on a podcast near you. May I recommend Life on the Swingset or Polyamory Weekly?) This was planned out at least a month in advance so people could align themselves and back out graciously if needed. This will happen to the participants once they realize that they may have to do all the prior prior paragraph’s items. 

I thought it would be wise to gather all of the participants together for a social meeting. I knew all of them, but Layla hadn’t met all of the guys. It was this odd circle of people that knew or knew of most of the people but all of the people in question had never been in the same room at once or read this run-on sentence. Due to the timing, one of the original group couldn’t make it. I reached out to a very dear female friend of mine to see if she’d be willing to ‘man-up’ as it were. I got the affirmative and I had a special surprise guest for the social gathering. There’s nothing quite like seeing your lover’s eyes light up when you introduce them to the woman that will be using a strap-on during their gang-bang.

Funny story, as I met the people at the bar, I almost didn't recognize Layla sitting at a table nearby :-). The rest of the evening went swimmingly. We got everyone introduced. We went over the ground rules of condoms on everything and gloves on all the hands. In my research on gang-bangs, the thing that ends them isn’t the amount of fucking, but the amount of fingering. The evening also got our pecking order established on the backdoor prize and also how much rough-housing she’d like along with the shagging. 

Stage is set, next time I update, the details of the debauchery 

Winning at life

I recently had a dear friend accuse me of 'winning at life'. Here was the start of that conversation which I found quite droll and thought provoking all at once.

Friend: [talking about competitive mindsets] It's not a fucking competition
Me: Yes it is! I'm winning the fucking gold!
Friend: Well yeah, not only are you hot, but you won the wife lottery too.
Me: And I still keep practicing my fucking, can't let my title lapse. Thank you btw.
Friend: You just kind of win at life lol
Me: It's not over yet.

That exchange made me think all about my wins at life. I have my on and off days and days where I wonder wtf I was thinking at the time and why I'm still thinking the same thing now. On balance, though I believe this friend was dead on and I have very very little about which to complain.

I'll give an example.

I met this very sexy lady online and met her for dinner & drinks. As I was making my way to our date, an unfortunate event occurred. I was in an accident. No one was hurt and I was only twenty minutes late for the date. My partner was understanding and we had a lovely evening flirting, talking, and getting a general background on each other.

During the course of the conversation, I'll call her Layla, mentioned that though she has always been a very sexual creature, she never had any sex toys used on her - ever. I was a bit shocked, which is difficult thing to accomplish with my carnal background, but ever the one to help I suggested our second date be sex toy shopping. The first date ended with a bit of rope bondage in public and some kissing. Win!

The second date started with dinner and lots of gazing. Have I mentioned that Layla is really stunning? I haven't, well she is and I do enjoy a good evening in the stun. She had bicycled to the date and while lovely, wasn't in 'outing' clothes. The top/dom in me took over and I said that she might have more fun if I took her home to change into something a bit more flirty. Short skirt achieved, we set off to the Pleasure Chest and the Stockroom. Win!

Commence the in car canoodling...

When we arrived at the Pleasure Chest they were having a class on spanking. My lovely date while aroused and sexual had had a heteronormative sex life post-college. This I thought was a decadent eye opener to start the evening. It also had the side effect of closing off the cheesier bit of the store - gag gifts and games.

As I took her around the store and explained to her about condoms and lube(they go together like condoms and lube), vibrating toys (cue scary Hitachi), ball gags, cuffs, collars, leather, rope, spreader bars, GIANT toys, silicone adult star replicas, metal, glass, and more vibrating toys, I could see the wheels turning in her mind. Sensory overload is a friend who I introduce to almost every date.

After the tour she wisely chose to get a Fun Factory Layaspot vibe. This, I think, should be the default first vibrator for anyone. Purchase in hand we set off for the Stockroom for the next bit of brain boggling.

The shop was closing but the very sweet clerk let us pop in for a quick browse. Needless to say, if the Pleasure Chest is a brain buzzing boutique, the Stockroom is a bazaar of bawdy bdsm bewitchery. Latex clothes, floggers, electro-stim, sounding, cupping, caning, etc. were all quickly inhaled in the brief time we were in the store.

As with all good shopping trips, this one ended with a cocktail. There was rum and a tiki bar involved. As we leaned our way back out to the car kissing and holding each other, there was a moment when I looked into her lustful eyes and suggested that she try out her new toy. She agreed wholeheartedly and we set off in the car to tour LA deep in the dead of night. Win!

I actually did have a plan to wander back towards whence we had driven.  As I'm driving around LA with this gorgeous woman who has a layaspot glued to her crotch my gps stops and I have to guess at where I am.  Is there a word for horny, thrilled, and worried all at the same time? There should be.

I drive through back streets and roads while she's reaching her apex of pleasure - with a dominant man, who helped her buy her first sex toy that she's publicly masturbating with in a moving vehicle. This is a second date for the ages.

Post-bliss she helps me navigate back towards our departure point. As we leave each other, we make plans to meet for an actual sexy-time date, and that's a win for another time.

The adults in the room

I was at a local BSDM munch(a meet and greet in street clothes) with a friend when she remarked to another guest "TMAME and Eris do poly better than anyone I know." Our table guest asked a very good question: "How does that work?" I had to collect my thoughts and explain it to a complete stranger and neophyte to the BDSM/poly world what we did.

Here's how it has worked for us so far. We started off as swingers and gradually morphed into poly-people. Throughout this incredible journey we've managed to keep a few things aligned for ourselves.

1. Our marriage and family come first. We are still madly in love with each other and we continue to work on our relationship daily. This is a labor of love so it seems effortless, yet it is only with our tireless, tiny daily efforts that it all works.
2. We've come to understand that we will never stop growing in ourselves, our understanding of each other, and our understanding of other people.
3. Our extra relationships are not an 'out' of our relationship. Too many times Eris and I see people bounce from one person to another never fully realizing that it wasn't their partners issues but theirs that caused the break up. See #1.
4. We still love to date each other. The best piece of advice I ever got was "Never stop dating your wife." I do that to the best of my ability.
5. Jealousy happens, but for us it's not jealousy of the other's partner but envy that they are 'in the flow' of extra relations. I've had times when I'm juggling three potential paramours, and Eris the same. These juggling times rarely coincide. So while one of us is hot, the other is cold. We expect the ups and downs and while they're not pleasant, we're not distracted from the fact that those trials will end.
6. Our sex life still rocks.
7. We have an amazing set of poly and kink friends that inspire and motivate us to be the best we can. It's nice to be noticed as doing something well, but I think Eris and I could both point to other poly people we know that do poly amazingly.

I'll finish up with a recent example. Eris has started dating a new guy and has been in the new phase. I'm happy for her that someone else also realizes how amazing she is. My most recent paramour has been away for sometime and while I've missed her and my pool of dates is dry for now, I know that things will get busy for me again.

Even while we make our ways through the dating pools, we still get up for work, take care of the kids, cook dinners, and no one could tell the difference between us and a typical married couple.

If you are in a shell

Thank you internet for bringing me zefrank.  My dating games always start with me in a shell for some strange reason.

Well that cleared up some time.

I'm apparently going to have some free time to start dating in the near future.  Eris and I are fine, it just seems that another erstwhile relationship has gone belly up.

C'est la vie.

I love dating sites

You know what's great about dating online?  It's the lectures you get from people who don't even know you.  Note, I never visited the person's profile(they're in Vegas and I only date/search for people within 25 miles).


Her: You are stupid men

Me: It's lovely to meet you as well. Do you often randomly insult people online?

Her: Only people like you Baby
Her: You're handsome but I don't like Your feelings

Me: You don't like the fact that I'm generally happy and satisfied with my life? Odd, but you knock yourself out hating on other people's happiness.

Her: Sorry you're not handsome is a mistake, you are an stupid person and bye

Me: I hope you're having a great day - enjoy!

I wonder if she gets asked out often...

Dumped

I was not ready for that.

Backstory(from my own biased point-of-view):

Since my previous post on the perils of the poly-police, I'd been dating.  I'd been dating so much, I'd even consider it successful.

There were three.

One was a lovely voice actress who I rather liked.  She was happy to respond if I initiated, but I never got the idea that she was enthusiastic about my advances.  Our dates went well, but the lack of any first-contact in return from her made me think I could invest my time elsewhere.

There was the woman that was way more into me than I into her.  I have to say I made a mistake in not communicating my distinct lack of passion to her.  She's a wonderful woman and I enjoyed her company but there was something distinctly lacking for me when I was around her.  It's odd, I rather liked her, but not enough to be enthused by her.

Then there was this one, she was into books, motorcycles, new experiences, wearing very few clothes, and exercise.  She had been in an open relationship for the past twenty years and was sexually adventurous.  She did that thing I liked, she talked, and I listened.  It didn't matter what we discussed, but I liked listening to her.  I thought the foundation of our relations were (besides the motorcycle) that I would listen and she would talk.

She managed to communicate to me that I can sometimes be distant and emotionally flat.  It's a flaw a freely admit.  I don't wear my heart on my sleeve.  I had it put in a concrete reinforced vault.

However, during our many messages back and forth and our dates, I found myself very affectionate towards her.  She seemed to feel the same way in return.  I was willing to ride out the enthusiasm wave and develop a deep-seated love for her like I had with Jinian.

We went on a date shortly after Christmas.  I had gotten her something awesome and unexpected.  We were saying our goodbyes and she had an odd question about love and feelings for people.  A little more discussion ensued and she admitted she felt love for me.  I was overjoyed and told her so.  I was looking forward to a new aspect of our relationship.

She was a little freaked out by it.  I went slow and steady.  I knew beginnings were very delicate things.

I was pretty sure we were developing a good thing.  She started meeting Eris, my kink friends, and even my kids.  My thought was that she would be integrated into my life as much as Jinian had been.  I could see our relationship lasting a decently long time regardless of how much sex & kinky stuff we did together; until last Tuesday.

Last Tuesday was the start of a long email thread that confused me and at the end left me sad. I suppose the best way to explain it without pasting the whole thing in here is to say that our relationship was confusing her and scaring her due to the attachment feelings she started having.  As I read it, I gleaned two things(Here's where sixteen-year-old me gets his knickers in a twist).

1. She thought we were just swinger friends/FWB
2. She wanted an extended family type of thing

She finished with the thought that she "might have to distance herself"

That's the last thing I heard from her.  Even as a mature man with a family, I feel rejected.  I know what she said and I'm trying to understand how she feels, but the id-side of me keeps knocking the crap out of my reasonable side.

I've been dumped.  I wasn't ready for it, and I'm not sure what to do except sort it out and then try again.

Poly police

I've started to date online again, and it has been way more interesting and fruitful than my last lame effort.  Most of that I credit to me having a better attitude.  However I did receive a lecture from the POLY POLICE.  Names changed to protect the stupid, even though they shouldn't be.

12:44am

what's wrong with you?

12:53am

In what way?

well uh your age and you are single?

is there anything wrong?

I'm 43 and no I'm not single as I state in my profile. Was that not clear? Hang on and let me check how my profile looks.

How are you?

you are not single? what are you doing on here?

I'm looking for other polyamorous people to meet, date, befriend.

hmmmm polyamorous and not single is an oxymoron

How so? I'm married ergo not single. Maybe we define those terms differently?

evidemment

How would you define polyamory?

open to many partners

how would you define married?

12:59am

A contractual agreement between two people that defines a relationship status in terms of property disbursement and legal recognition of that status.

I personally define polyamory as 'many loves' This has no relationship to marital status IMO

and protects each partner in the case of any fearful associations with another insofar as either can run home and say 'sorry, I am married'

It establishes a definite primary relationship status.

yes it does, so it is many loves then, with one superior one?

hierarchical

not poly

poly is equal playing field

In my case yes. I can't speak for everyone else.

this is not

I didn't realize there was a hardline definition.

Maybe I should change my status to 'having mistresses with my wife's permission?'

well who would want to come into a second shrift position? like Hi, I want to be polyamorous but you are second choice?

I'd say change it to 'looking to fuck around'

I don't phrase it like that, nor do I approach it like that. When I'm with partner n, my sole focus is on that partner. I'm not phoning home or using my wife as an excuse for problems that arise with that non-marital relationship. Make of that what you will

1:04am

well I don't call it 'poly' anything - it is clearly primary with secondary messes

poly implies equality -

married and screwing around is another issue

I didn't realize there was a legal structure to all of this or a clear delineation of roles/rules.

well I have a clear delineation of it, have no idea what you mean by 'to all of this'

I have clear needs and clear issues

and polyamorous is fine but I don't believe you are that

poly implies many to me, since polygon, polynomial, pollyhedron all use it as a modifier, could be my math background though.

not married with your involvements taking second shrift to your marriage

well in a polyhedron no ONE angle is more important than another, is it?

I've never been lectured by the polyamory police.

the formations you reference have no hierarchies of angularity, so how can you say their makeup is commensurate with your situation?

1:10am

I'll reference you to isosceles and obtuse triangles. One angle is of greater degree than the others.

*That* is exactly commensurate.

you didn't reference me to these, you referenced those forms that had the preface POLY in their names

that is NOT commensurate

horse shit

you are backpedaling now....not cool in any way

not cool

polygon, was in my reference. A triangle is a polygon unless you get to define geometry. An obtuse triangle has one angle greater than the other two.

ok you are now saying that you are not poly amorous - that means all loves are equal -

POLY AMOROUS is equal love to many partners

no one is greater than another

I'm not backpedalling geometry. You said that none of my examples were similar to my relationship.

you are lying

you have a situation which is not polyamorous

That would be equiamorous, not polyamorous

you are married and want to fuck around

clear, plain

revolting and NOT polyamorous

So there you have it, I'm not poly according to the poly-police!

Moving on

Some great things have happened since I last posted. For one, I'm writing this from beautiful Los Angeles; for two I'm not going back. That's right the evil lab has headed to Venice Beach! I'll be fabricating and working here on the left coast - whee! I may even have some new adventures to post!

Sad passings

Hamlet & Lorali's Pornotopia has passed from the blogosphere. I'll be removing my link so the asshole link spammer who's squatted their account won't get any trivial traffic.

Rigger crush

ZOMG Midori, yes that Midori, just asked to see my wares.

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Shameless commerce

So in the very very very long time since I've posted and nothing has happened.

Yep, that's right absolutely nothing.

Ok, that might not be entirely true.

Things have seriously begun to happen.

It starts with a rope class that Eris and I took from Midori in 2007. It was awesome and I was struck by a comment she made off hand that 'she couldn't find reliable cotton rope'. I'm sure this has changed since then.

In 2009, Eris and I met Twisted Monk and had an incredible time at the NYC Sex Bloggers Calendar party. After that, we got a lot more involved with our local BDSM community. This interaction with OkieNawa, who leads the local rope interest group, and Deborah, who's got the only BSDM store worth a dang locally, started my wheels turning. There were tiny tricklings of ideas that would not go away.

From these interactions I had an inspiration to try my hand at fabricating my own rope. The results turned out well enough that I thought they were salable. So, I whipped some up(har) for personal use then with some generous help from Deborah and OkieNawa I actually sold some!

Any of my readers who are friends with me on FetLife know I've setup my own store, but now in public, in front of Google and everyone I'd like to announce that I have developed, in my own evil lab:

TMARE - The Most Awesomest Rope Ever!

(Well, it is a lot of fun...)

Rope that is friendly to the beginner and experienced rigger alike. It starts with a little backbone and then softens with use to be supple and fast. TMARE comes with palm-and-needle whipped ends, plus it's as easy to care for as a pair of jeans!

Shop online at my store!

Since my initial local sales I've ventured out into even broader territory. I'll be vending at a local auction in April and I've been invited to vend at Kinky Karnival Kansas!

This announcement comes right on the heels of my very first online store sale that I'll be fulfilling tonight and shipping off first thing in the morning.

I'm excited and nervous. I've learned an awful lot about rope fabrication and my aim is to provide the best cotton rope I can to my awesome customers. Please come by and check the store on a regular basis.

Not that you'll be surprised

but I predict a less than kink-filled summer.

Why?

Responsible parenting.  I find myself not wanting to miss a moment of my children's summer fun when they are the perfect age(s) for enjoying it.

This will cut into my kink/swing/bdsm time quite a bit.

However, I don't think I'll regret it in twenty to thirty years.

Back on the scene

Recently, Eris and I have been spending more time with the BDSM crowd than the swing crowd.

Reasons:

1. Kink people are upfront about what they're seeking
2. The BDSM crowd don't have to get smashed to seek what they desire
3. The BDSM crowd also starts earlier (we turn into pumpkins at midnight)

Tonight, we're going to a BDSM-themed swing event.

Wish us luck, or question our sanity.

Compound Interest

This is a story about how hard it is being TMAME.

SRSLY!

So, one evening, not too long ago I was telling Jinian about a MFM I was setting up for a lady I met on Ashley Madison.  She then informed me that I had never set up an MFM for her.

What?  After almost two years and many many many forms of kink and multiple partner scenes, was it possible that I had missed the simple and fun combination?  Why yes apparently it was.  I thought quickly and settled on Mr. Bakery for the other M in question.  This was most acceptable to Jinian.

After these set ups, another woman I had met and played sadistically with on fetlife informed me that she would like an MFM too.  I went forth and called upon my kink-buddies to help set up yet another MFM.  

Are you counting?  That's three count them three MFMs all within the space of about a month.

I figured I should thank Mrs. Bakery for her contribution to the project.  I offered her some free rigging, a personal pick-me-up call, or really anything she could desire that was within my means to provide.  She thought about it and told me that she's really like MFFF.  I knew Jinian & Eris would be more than happy to be the FF of the equation and I told her that it would be no problem to send the two of them over for her desire.  I figured Mr. Bakery would not be displeased at this outcome either.  Then Mrs. Bakery laid the bombshell on me.

She wanted me to be the M of her MFFF.

What have a learned from this - the work of TMAME is never finished!