The adults in the room

I was at a local BSDM munch(a meet and greet in street clothes) with a friend when she remarked to another guest "TMAME and Eris do poly better than anyone I know." Our table guest asked a very good question: "How does that work?" I had to collect my thoughts and explain it to a complete stranger and neophyte to the BDSM/poly world what we did.

Here's how it has worked for us so far. We started off as swingers and gradually morphed into poly-people. Throughout this incredible journey we've managed to keep a few things aligned for ourselves.

1. Our marriage and family come first. We are still madly in love with each other and we continue to work on our relationship daily. This is a labor of love so it seems effortless, yet it is only with our tireless, tiny daily efforts that it all works.
2. We've come to understand that we will never stop growing in ourselves, our understanding of each other, and our understanding of other people.
3. Our extra relationships are not an 'out' of our relationship. Too many times Eris and I see people bounce from one person to another never fully realizing that it wasn't their partners issues but theirs that caused the break up. See #1.
4. We still love to date each other. The best piece of advice I ever got was "Never stop dating your wife." I do that to the best of my ability.
5. Jealousy happens, but for us it's not jealousy of the other's partner but envy that they are 'in the flow' of extra relations. I've had times when I'm juggling three potential paramours, and Eris the same. These juggling times rarely coincide. So while one of us is hot, the other is cold. We expect the ups and downs and while they're not pleasant, we're not distracted from the fact that those trials will end.
6. Our sex life still rocks.
7. We have an amazing set of poly and kink friends that inspire and motivate us to be the best we can. It's nice to be noticed as doing something well, but I think Eris and I could both point to other poly people we know that do poly amazingly.

I'll finish up with a recent example. Eris has started dating a new guy and has been in the new phase. I'm happy for her that someone else also realizes how amazing she is. My most recent paramour has been away for sometime and while I've missed her and my pool of dates is dry for now, I know that things will get busy for me again.

Even while we make our ways through the dating pools, we still get up for work, take care of the kids, cook dinners, and no one could tell the difference between us and a typical married couple.