No one of consequence

Moving on

2011-06-07T20:44:00.000-07:00

Some great things have happened since I last posted. For one, I'm writing this from beautiful Los Angeles; for two I'm not going back. That's right the evil lab has headed to Venice Beach! I'll be fabricating and working here on the left coast - whee! I may even have some new adventures to post!

Sad passings

2011-03-08T16:32:00.000-08:00

Hamlet & Lorali's Pornotopia has passed from the blogosphere. I'll be removing my link so the asshole link spammer who's squatted their account won't get any trivial traffic.

Rigger crush

2011-02-16T18:31:00.000-08:00

ZOMG Midori, yes that Midori, just asked to see my wares.

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Shameless commerce

2011-02-09T17:17:00.000-08:00

So in the very very very long time since I've posted and nothing has happened.

Yep, that's right absolutely nothing.

Ok, that might not be entirely true.

Things have seriously begun to happen.

It starts with a rope class that Eris and I took from Midori in 2007. It was awesome and I was struck by a comment she made off hand that 'she couldn't find reliable cotton rope'. I'm sure this has changed since then.

In 2009, Eris and I met Twisted Monk and had an incredible time at the NYC Sex Bloggers Calendar party. After that, we got a lot more involved with our local BDSM community. This interaction with OkieNawa, who leads the local rope interest group, and Deborah, who's got the only BSDM store worth a dang locally, started my wheels turning. There were tiny tricklings of ideas that would not go away.

From these interactions I had an inspiration to try my hand at fabricating my own rope. The results turned out well enough that I thought they were salable. So, I whipped some up(har) for personal use then with some generous help from Deborah and OkieNawa I actually sold some!

Any of my readers who are friends with me on FetLife know I've setup my own store, but now in public, in front of Google and everyone I'd like to announce that I have developed, in my own evil lab:

TMARE - The Most Awesomest Rope Ever!

(Well, it is a lot of fun...)

Rope that is friendly to the beginner and experienced rigger alike. It starts with a little backbone and then softens with use to be supple and fast. TMARE comes with palm-and-needle whipped ends, plus it's as easy to care for as a pair of jeans!

Shop online at my store!

Since my initial local sales I've ventured out into even broader territory. I'll be vending at a local auction in April and I've been invited to vend at Kinky Karnival Kansas!

This announcement comes right on the heels of my very first online store sale that I'll be fulfilling tonight and shipping off first thing in the morning.

I'm excited and nervous. I've learned an awful lot about rope fabrication and my aim is to provide the best cotton rope I can to my awesome customers. Please come by and check the store on a regular basis.

Not that you'll be surprised

2010-06-01T18:15:00.000-07:00

but I predict a less than kink-filled summer.

Why?

Responsible parenting. I find myself not wanting to miss a moment of my children's summer fun when they are the perfect age(s) for enjoying it.

This will cut into my kink/swing/bdsm time quite a bit.

However, I don't think I'll regret it in twenty to thirty years.

Back on the scene

2010-05-08T17:27:00.000-07:00

Recently, Eris and I have been spending more time with the BDSM crowd than the swing crowd.

Reasons:

Kink people are upfront about what they're seeking
The BDSM crowd don't have to get smashed to seek what they desire
The BDSM crowd also starts earlier (we turn into pumpkins at midnight)

Tonight, we're going to a BDSM-themed swing event.

Wish us luck, or question our sanity.

Compound Interest

2009-11-23T17:35:00.001-08:00

This is a story about how hard it is being TMAME.

SRSLY!

So, one evening, not too long ago I was telling Jinian about a MFM I was setting up for a lady I met on Ashley Madison. She then informed me that I had never set up an MFM for her.

What? After almost two years and many many many forms of kink and multiple partner scenes, was it possible that I had missed the simple and fun combination? Why yes apparently it was. I thought quickly and settled on Mr. Bakery for the other M in question. This was most acceptable to Jinian.

After these set ups, another woman I had met and played sadistically with on fetlife informed me that she would like an MFM too. I went forth and called upon my kink-buddies to help set up yet another MFM.

Are you counting? That's three count them three MFMs all within the space of about a month.

I figured I should thank Mrs. Bakery for her contribution to the project. I offered her some free rigging, a personal pick-me-up call, or really anything she could desire that was within my means to provide. She thought about it and told me that she's really like MFFF. I knew Jinian & Eris would be more than happy to be the FF of the equation and I told her that it would be no problem to send the two of them over for her desire. I figured Mr. Bakery would not be displeased at this outcome either. Then Mrs. Bakery laid the bombshell on me.

She wanted me to be the M of her MFFF.

What have a learned from this - the work of TMAME is never finished!

Matson Jones

2009-11-14T13:26:00.000-08:00

NYC was an exercise in contradictions. Eris & I were ostensibly there for the sex blogger calendar party, but we got way more than just a party. We got an inflection point experience. I must thank Diva & Tess for the invite, and for the experience.

The pace of our adventure was alternatively languorous breakfast, followed by torpid waiting, then manic celebration all topped off with exhausted late-night dining.

The party itself was an event of introverted horrors. I, nor Eris for that matter, are comfortable in serious crowds of over 100 people. It's not that we don't enjoy the crush of large groups, it's just that we function better in the small. The irony of this was seeing many calendar models like Audacia go through the same thing in person. I will have to say the best part of my evening for the party was hawking calendars with Max Lagos and Janeygirrl. If you missed this snappy patter in person, I'll replay it here.

Me: Hey do you have you NYC Sex-bloggers calendar? All proceeds go to SWA.
Attendee: I've already got mine.
Me: Well, do you have someone else's calendar?
Attendee: *looking puzzled* No...
Me: You should get them one!

The next day saw Eris and I wandering Manhattan and Chinatown. The thing we learned about Manhattan was that it was all the same freaking shops we have here (United States of Generica), but they're at the bottom of 30-story buildings. Chinatown was packed and probably the most interesting place we went during the whole trip. Jewelers right next to open fish markets - what a place. It was also the home of the $3 dumpling soup meal that fed the both of us.

We also went to ground zero.

Early in the evening we attended Monk's class on sensual bondage. It was a great experience and one I won't soon forget. It was also way too short. He's an awesome instructor and knows how to make everyone feel comfortable. His passion for his work shows through as well. You really can't ask much more of a teacher.

Later that evening we went to an SWA event that covered Audacia's trip to India as well as some of the other work that SWA has been doing. It was very interesting to see Ms. Ray in a more comfortable environment. Methinks she's also an extroverted introvert like myself. She was *far* more comfortable when there weren't 200 other people around. Talking with Audacia, Melissa Gira, and Melissa Ditmore was fascinating and we'll both be supporting their ongoing work for sex-worker's rights.

I would also be remiss if I didn't mention all of the fantabulous twitter-ati that we managed to meet in person - butchtastickyle, sroxy, coyotetoo, b_playful, badbadgirlx, and firecatkitty. It was a pleasure to meet you all.

Thus spake the oracle

2009-11-08T18:48:00.000-08:00

Everything has turned out as I predicted, but not as I foresaw.

Morpheus...

2009-10-26T19:44:00.000-07:00

Being married to an amazingly hot woman, smart, and sexual woman is a thrill a minute. Mostly they go like this - amazingly hot and vibrant woman walks into a room, all eyes turn to her, and much attention is paid to her. Meanwhile, even as awesome as one is, one is really second fiddle to the rest of the hoi-polloi in terms of attention shown.

I've learned to live with this 'vibe' of our local swing community. After all, I'm no one of consequence. I'm just the person that provides the stability and male half of our wonderful relationship - pay no attention to the flying buttress that supports the stained glass. I'm used to the gawkers and admirers of this locale. It's no big deal, I can handle them.

Eventually someone of note will notice how well you have done, now it is gut-check time.

Do you remember that scene at the end of the Matrix where Neo is in fighting the agents and everyone on the ship is ready for the sentinel attack? Morpheus has put everything in order and lived up to his vision. He has tried to position everyone to succeed in the coming fight. He is putting his ideals and vision on the line to defeat the Matrix. His intro into the final scene begins with him being outnumbered, out-gunned, and trapped. He looks up to the camera with his hand on the panic button and utters these words:

"Here they come."

Well in a little over one week, they'll be coming.

Have I really cemented a relationship based on trust, mutual love, and unfathomable dedication. Have I done everything I can do support and care for one person as best I could? Have I truly made a following of perfection that nothing can shake. Can I work through my own personal insecurities and really be TMAME. Do I have the courage to live up to and through my ideals?

In a little over one week, We'll be at the party of the year, hob-nobbing with the rock-stars and idols of the kink world. Does what we've manged to create in our tiny flyover world withstand the glitter & glitz of NYC? Can I sit at the bar with the rock-stars and hold my own?

In a little over one week, we'll find out.

Here they come...

Funniest thing I've read today

2009-10-25T09:01:00.000-07:00

This is why you need to have friends that are into books.

pp. 122-123

...Also, we learned that the penis - root and stalk together - "has the shape of a boomerang" during intercourse. (Leonardo [da Vinci] had drawn it stick-straight.) But not its precise dynamics. If you hurl an uprooted penis into the air, it will not come back to you. It will most likely, and who can blame it, want nothing to do with you.

I really need to post something

2009-10-21T18:51:00.000-07:00

Anything really, with an upcoming swingereen and NYC sex-calender blogger party coming up, I should have something to say!

Pimping ain't easy

2009-09-26T18:53:00.001-07:00

I've been reading Kyra's blog(invite only) for a bit and browsing a few of the comments. The funniest thing I find there is that as Kyra is going through men for potential hookups, the gallery encourages her to just drop guy x and move on to guy y. This seems to be quite common in sex-blogger comments in general.

The amazingly humorous thing about this is that finding people to shag is easy, but finding people to have really amazing sex with is fucking hard, seriously fucking hard. It's like banging your head and genitals into a brick wall covered with glass which is also next to a carnivorous ant farm. Yes, you can bash your head into another part of the wall, but the results will be remarkably similar.

How do I know this?

Multiple bad hookups.

Swinging has been a lot like dating but in many ways worse when it goes badly. Even in a room of people ostensibly looking for the same thing there are those that you will have magic wonderful sex with and those you'd rather shove into the aforementioned wall.

Jumping from lovers to lovers sounds like this great thing, but the most amazing thing about it is that those people are mostly imaginary. Now maybe some people are the type that just roll into a club and find people to have wild chandelier swinging sex with on a regular basis? For the rest of us, there's the long hard slog to find someone worth getting naked. Eris and I and Jinian and many of the other swing folks we know are still working on that.

You meet someone, nothing happens and all of the sudden

2009-09-17T15:41:00.000-07:00

*bang* you're off talking about how much you enjoy certain kinky things and how far down the road of depravity she wants to go.

Hi there, I'm back - and front for that matter. For once, I've had luck meeting a woman online and turning that into an actual face-to-face encounter - whee!

It was awesome, it was amazing, it was beyond words; ok so it was kind of 'blah' on both of our parts. The amazing thing was is that while we liked each other, we didn't feel any electric chemistry whizzing around in our brains. It was odd, as Kyra noted, we are kind of a good match - in electrons.

Ah well, at least I've made another kink friend IRL.

Care and feeding of paramours

2009-05-14T19:29:00.000-07:00

I'm going to confess something right now that I've never really typed or spoken aloud.

I really really really really care for my paramour.

No, I'm not talking, or even thinking, about leaving Eris. She is and always will be the love of my life.

This isn't some sappy infatuation of first rush romance. This is a deep and abiding care for her ongoing happiness.

For instance: I was discussing her with Diva the other night. I said about her: She's truly wonderful. She's smart, funny, pretty, submissive, etc. Of course all this means she's had horrible luck trying to actually date men.

This makes me sad for her. I want her to be happy. It would be awesome if she could find a guy who understands what makes our friendship fun in the sack, but I'd be happy to forego any carnal relathions with her if she found a guy who was just crazy for her.
However, since some smart guy hasn't figured out that she's a true catch, it's still up to me to help her with her lustful needs. She works crazy mad hours, but last week she texted me to tell me she had a night off. I was overjoyed at this revelation and asked her what she wanted to do with her day off. Her reply was:

I want kinky sex.

I can help with those needs. My first thought was that the kinky sex should involve at least myself and Eris, and rope. This would be plenty kinky, but since I hadn't seen her in a while I thought I'd kick it up a notch.

I called the bakery couple. Bakery couple is a couple we've been with before and we've really enjoyed. Last year for Eris' birthday, Jinian, I, and bakery couple had a menage a cinq at chez nous. This time it was a surprise menage at Jinian's.

Jinian was quite pleasantly surprised when we all arrived at the door. We all had some wine and chatted for a while, then we absconded to the budoir. Most of the evening was spent with Jinian bound for our pleasure along with a suitable amount of team flogging her lovely tush, back, and legs. Since it was her night off, I thought she should be the center of attention.

After the licking, sucking, flogging, and shagging, the five of us all lay naked on the bed cuddling and caressing. That might have been the most awesome part of the night, well that and Mr. Baker's art on Mrs. Baker's backside. As we arrive home, Jinian sent me a lovely thank you for making her feel spoiled.

I honestly wish I had the time to spoil her more often. For now, I'll just have to make her beg for kinky sex more often.

Fromage tres bonne

2009-04-06T16:22:00.000-07:00

I must wish a very close friend of mine good luck with her Stilton encounter upcoming. It can be an acquired taste, but I think after the initial shock she'll become quite accustomed to the flavor.

Blog friends

2009-03-06T18:46:00.000-08:00

I'm chatting right now with an online friend about some horrible horrible things that have happened to her recently. I just want her to know that I'll be rooting for her, and will always have a hand to help and a hug for comfort.

Take care of yourself.

o-fer

2009-03-02T18:20:00.000-08:00

This is our third time out with no joy. I'm not sure what it is with the swing scene around here. In my darker moments I have the following thoughts:

We're not as sexy as we think we are.
I'm killing Eris' mojo.
These people are all smoke no fire.
These people are ashamed of what they're doing.
These people don't decide on coupling until 2 a.m., and then do it poorly.

I'm not sure what to make of this recent lack of joy. We're really not that hard to pick up. We're kind of easy to be candid. However, we turn into pumpkins at midnight. I'm not sure these people (the smug urban hipsters) get the fact that we have very tiny sex trophies that will demand outrageous things like food at 7:00 a.m. the next morning no matter how late we've stayed out.

This was a 'takeover' event. I.e. there were only swing-people at this bar. The women were in something skimpy and the guys were there. I was big-pimpin' but that's just the way I roll.

Anyway, we hung out, mingled, and flirted. BTW I'm an overt flirt. You really don't have to guess if I'm at all interested. As I if you say something as demure as 'hold on you're in for a wild ride', don't be surprised if I turn you around pull you close to me and say 'giddy-up'. Apparently, that's a bit to subtle for some folks.

The oddest thing was that if you hadn't have known these were swing-folk, you couldn't have know it from their behavior. Everyone just stood around and talked. We danced a bit and that was it. After a while, we kind of got the message that no one was flirting with us, nor about to ask us back to their hotel room so we went home.

I'm still perplexed.

Hwæt!...in geardagum

2009-02-10T16:24:00.000-08:00

The story of how I got into the lifestyle is quite a long and complex one. I didn't start off my marriage to Eris with the plan of corrupting her. I had fantasized that hey maybe we could have a threesome, but that was never the goal from the outset. However, I'm getting ahead of myself.

This story is long and strange. I thought about writing the whole thing in Old English just to establish my sex-geek cred, but I'll keep thing relatively modern. It does happen to start a long long time ago - decades even.

I was a sexually precocious child. I can recall having my first masturbatory orgasm around age eleven or twelve. From there, it was straight into teenage wankdom and the requisite religious guilt surrounding that; self-inflicted I might add. There was also the tiny worry of total nuclear annihilation. It wasn't exactly a sex-positive environment. However, my parents were pretty progressive and never lectured me on the evils of masturbation etc. For that, I thank them. I can remember my total mortification when they found one of my magazines. My mother was laughing, I wanted to die.

I had my first actual sexual experience with a girl around the age of fourteen on a school bus, during the afternoon - hands down her pants to be precise - but I fumbled and managed no further damage than massaging her pubic bone.

It was another two years before I would lose my virginity in another public place. Let's just say it was at night, near the water. It was mind-bending for a kid who was just starting to drive. In all honesty it was probably better than it should have been. I chalk that up to the hours of foreplay we had before the sex. It was elating enough just to be having sex at all. To have it in public from a girl(she was seventeen) who even told me I made her climax twice was even more mind-altering. I was head-over-heels in lust. I wanted a lot more sex, too bad we only managed to get busy two more times. From there recriminations were had since she was seeing another guy. Lies were told, face was saved, it was teenage sex-drama at it's most inane. It was another year before I would get laid again. Growing up in the sticks has a way of limiting one's mating opportunities. That plus my own unrealistic expectations of women and my own social ineptness kept my wood quite dry.

The next time at least I got laid by a former bi-sexual stripper - go me, score! I had a good friend who was had class with her. She was all of half-decade older than I plus she had red hair. Once again I was in lust. We actually got a long quite well in an odd sort of way. She couldn't believe she could stand someone my age. I didn't quite get this until I turned twenty-five and considered dating eighteen through twenty year-olds. Unfortunately, she moved away and we never got the chance to any further. The bi-sexuality got my young brain thinking 'Hey, she likes girls and boys, maybe she'd bring home another girl!' This was a long time before I understood how bi-sexuality really works. After all, the only thing I'd had to learn from was Penthouse letters. Did you know that some of them may just be made up? Why did no one tell me that?

I was a confused, horny, and perverse twenty-something. It was a bitch being a clueless horny geek with no prospects of getting laid. This contributed to a lot of anxieties and needless worry. Magic was not far around the corner though - serious magic.

It has been decided!

2009-02-09T17:35:00.001-08:00

Through some furious texting back and forth, paramour #1 has finally been given a stage/pen/rigging name.

Ladies & Gentleman, TVs & TSs of all orientations, I present Jinian, the paramour who brings pleasure, laughter, and the occasional perspective change into Eris' and my life.

No she doesn't have a blog, for now she's a fictionalized real person. However, I do get to see her tomorrow night.

Update, due to other issues, tonight has been postponed to another - dang!

Morning fantasies

2009-02-07T18:20:00.001-08:00

Eris and I are going out to a 'lifestyle' event in a few weeks. The event areas promised lots of private and secluded areas for frisky fun.

This bit of news awakened my inner rigger. What could I do with a bound sub(s) in a few secluded areas and a lot of time? I know - tie her/them up with instruction placards!

First area: Tied lovely elbows & hands behind her back with the placard
Feel me. Anywhere on my body but only over the clothes.

Second area (Either later with the same lovely or a different one): Bound with arms to the side and legs slightly akimbo, clothing open with the placard
Fondle Me. Feel free to arouse my erogenous zones in whatever manner you desire. Vibratory toys may be left on a side table to help.

Third area: Tied to a table skirt lifted, undergarments removed, and blindfolded with the placard
Fuck Me. Vaginal only. Condom required. Lead me up to or over the climactic peak.

Fourth area: Bound to a bench, clothing removed with soft/medium implements available
Flog me. Make me moan and cry but within limits. Safeword: Diva.

I have no idea what brings these thoughts on at these odd times, but I'm not about to stop them

Twitter mosaics

2009-02-01T07:34:00.000-08:00

People I follow:

People who follow me:

Thanks twitter mosaic.

Pickup sex

2009-01-27T18:31:00.001-08:00

I was waiting up last night for Eris when she got home. She had been out, but got back in time for me to see her before I went to bed. We chit-chatted and got into our pre-sleep routine. We lay together and small-talked for a while. I was feeling her bare skin against me and then I just started caressing her, just on her soft skin, then moving to where my hands and her wriggles led.

This lead further into a hot rousing passionate fury of plain vanilla sex. No groups, no ropes, no whips, no cuffs, no toys; just desire and lust in priest-approved man-on-top-lights-out-in-a-bed sex.

It really was amazing.

Even our normal sex is lustful, passionate, desirous, steamy, and hot while at the same time being tender, caring, loving, and intimate. I did the things that Eris loves while she did her same magic back to me. Magic that makes me loose control every time. I could feel us moving in rhythms that only we know, that make us one.

I told Eris afterwards that it was fantastic for just having 'pickup sex' - I.e. no planning involved. She agreed with me that even our normal sex is truly fantastic.

Night out

2009-01-26T15:07:00.000-08:00

Eris and I have been having an uneven time of it on our recent outings - i.e. we haven't scored. This is frustrating because hey, we're freaking hot! :-)

However, in our town, there are two scenes. The first scene we ran into is what I call the 'NASCAR crowd'. They're very nice people and we've always had a good time with time, but we haven't quite 'clicked' with anyone there and we've had some less than standard experiences with them. If I have a critique, it's that these folks, who are very fun, are too eager to hook up.

The second crowd is what I like to call 'smug urban hipsters'. These people are more our style, but it's very hard to get ' in' with them. It's almost clique-ish, and there are actually a few rock stars in the group; rock stars as in people with for-pay websites. However, after attending enough events and basically schmoozing, we're starting to get our 'ins'. This crowd is almost too paranoid to hook up with new people; which is understandable but still irksome because we'd like to shag rotten some of these very nice people.

This post is about our most recent outing with the second group. We attended a NYE event with this group and it was fun, but ran back into the irksomeness of the intro paragraph. So, we thought we'd go to this bar meet the ringleader of the smug urban hipsters put together. It's at a club that is re-organizing into a lifestyle friendly club.

Here's the scoop: we get to the club and the doorman is dressed head-to-toe in black leather, complete with cap. This takes me aback a bit, since it's slowly donning on me that this club isn't what I expected. The gentleman directs us back to our group and as I pass the bar I notice a very large portion of the male gender at the bar. As a matter-of-fact, they're all male.

Nope, it still hasn't kicked in yet.

We get back to our group and start chatting and exchanging pleasantries when it hits me - This is a gay bar!

I'm fine with the gay bar aspect of it, but I wasn't expecting a LS event to be held in a gay bar. Although after some due consideration it makes a lot of sense. Bar owners of all ilks need extra business, and both groups of people have non-traditional affection displays.

So we keep drinking and flirting and at one point one of the drag queens from the floor shows makes a point to stop by me and another LS friend to ensure that I'm doing ok. I confirm that all is well and as s/he walks off I get the feeling that s/he was flirting with me.

As the night wears on I get a distinct nod of interest from one of the bars more regular patrons. This, for me anyway, is quite flattering. I've had confidence issues from time-to-time in the LS because no one is ever really sure how attractive he/she is. When gay men, and cute gay men as Eris and a friend told me, hit on you this is a total ego boost. It means:

I am hot enough for gay men!

Now, perhaps this just means that these folks would hit on anyone, but at this point I'm going to take it as an indication that no matter what I think, my current fitness and eating routine is working well!

Eris and I mingle and drink and flirt and fondle all sorts of fun people that night, and even though we didn't manage to make it into any boudoirs or even hotel rooms, we had an awesome time. We met some very wonderful and hot people - mormon swinger anyone - and we just felt connected to our group.

The next outing is up in the air for scheduling, but at this point, I think we've finally made it past the initiation phase.

Roping

2009-01-25T18:00:00.000-08:00

Eris & I attended the most awesome Midori Rope dojo a few ~~weeks~~ months ago. To quote Peter from Office Space "It was everything I thought it would be and more."

The great thing about this was that I already knew three of the four basic ties she taught, and one of the four body harnesses. For me, most of the drills and class were about opening my persepectives. As Midori says we often get caught up in the mechanics and forget about the atmosphere. I had been practicing different knot and all sorts of other stuff, but after I learned Midori tied one maybe two knots, I'm giving knot-tying up for Lent. Yes I know Lent is a long way away, but you can never start too early.

The second thing I got from this class was the perspective change. In many many scenes we revert to arm-to-arm, leg-to-leg types of symetric bondage and we don't open up to our imagination. Midori's focus all weekend was to get us to think in asymetries, as well as to use our environment with our bondage. During one of the speed drills, one of the couples used the chairs we were sitting on as a column to tie their partner. I was still stuck on odd body parts.

We also got to meet some wonderful kinksters. There were people, besides our instructors, who flew in for just this event; that was after they had attended Shibaricon. Meeting people into kink always opens your perspectives. There's what sells website subscriptions, and then there are the people who really make the scene thrive. Sometimes these two distinct populations intersect.

Little green monsters

2008-09-13T14:42:00.000-07:00

Diva had asked me this in chat, and the subject also came up the other evening with a dinner guest.

That subject is jealousy as in is there any, or how do you control it since the both of you are consorting with paramours. Here's a chat transcript with some editing:

Debauched: Is there ever any jealousy
TMAME: About what?
Debauched: the other people you are both involved with

TMAME: No, we both know and have met them. Secondly our involvement with them is peripheral to our marriage. We've even both played with them on Eris' birthday week. MFF was with my paramour and MFM was with hers. She's been with two other guys but they spazzed on her a bit so she's never seen them again, plus we still play together. The only jealously I've experience is just the ease with which an available woman can attract men. My groove took a little longer to return.

Our agreement is that we will never hide anything from each other, and that our relationship is always always the #1 thing. We've also got our rules for our 'nights out'. It's one night every other week and we're always home by midnight unless there's some special situation (travel, etc.)

Debauched: All of this is new to me. Until I found sex blogs I didn't know about a marriage like yours or the one Tess has It would be nice if my husband would have an open marriage but that will never happen.
TMAME:I'd say our marriage is closed, but our bedroom is open. I'm very fortunate to have found Eris.

Debauched: Sounds like you are, was your marriage always like this?
TMAME: No, we started out pretty conventionally. I had had a very wild side before I met Eris(I was a male dancer), but Eris grew up very repressed. However, when I met Eris she was way more sane than any of the other women I'd dated and I could trade the wild & crazy sex for just good sex and sanity. I never thought I'd be able to live my dream relationship on the day I met her. I just knew I loved her. During the time before her awakening I just tried to love her unconditionally. We'd always had a good marriage because I wisely married someone that was always interesting to me. She still fascinates me every day.

Debauched: that is really sweet
TMAME: Thanks, you should hear it in person - bring waffles.
Debauched: waffles?
TMAME: Sweet, syrup...
That's how sweet it is :-D

In short, we keep the green monster contained by limiting our time outside of our relationship, plus we're still crazy for each other. That, above all else, helps keep our relationship going. The lifestyle has also enabled us to talk more openly about our sex life and keep our communication free-flowing. We don't let things build, we try to get our expectations out in the open as soon as possible.

I can't say that what we do would work for every non-monogamous couple, but what we have works for us.

Strange days

2008-09-06T10:45:00.000-07:00

I was going to blog about something that the divine Diva and I had discussed in a chat, but that will have to wait.

I am going to take you on my strange and wild adventure of last evening.

I met a couple who had emailed me on one of the swinger sites I frequent. I'm not going to give you the site name, nor link to it because they get plenty of traffic and I don't really like the site. Regardless, I'm listed on this site as a single straight male.

OMG, I've lied about my marital status! No, not really. Look we have hall passes, but no one believes an otherwise attached man could be out and about without philandering on his spouse.

Hi, I'm spouse X from couple Y and I saw you single lady/attractive couple... *delete*. It's not worth the hassle, so I'm listing myself as single and then coming 'clean' as it were during the first meeting. I have no time to BS anyone. If they're freaked out at that point, too bad. They can call TLOML to verify my status.

So I meet couple Y. Couple Y is an older couple and I knew that they were probably a bit outside of their posted age range. However, they had been very patient with me and the seemed nice enough so I met them at a local eatery. We chit-chatted for a while and I 'came clean' as it were and they didn't run screaming. They invited me over to their place. I wasn't feeling too lustful at this point, but I figured I'd be gracious and accept. I also figured we could talk more freely out of the public eye.

I get over to their place and they go immediately to their basement. It's a typical finished basement set - entertainment set, cheap carpeting, knick-knacks, bar, and a bed - hmmmm. Oh well, we have a drink. BTW never mix 7up and aged rum - it's awful. Mr. Y has rubbed my shoulder on a couple of occasions and I just think that's him being friendly. Some guys are like that, very touchy. No problem, the Mrs. is showing interest in me and I'm getting my randy up.

During the time I'm making out with Mrs. the Mr. is rubbing my shoulder and telling me how good I look. At this point, I feel the need to make something clear. "I'm not bi" I say. That's ok, says the Mr. it's all cool. I told him I was fine with the touching and back rub, but that's about as far as it goes. He made an offer to perform some oral pleasure on me, which I had to politely decline. I'm just not comfortable with that right now. The touching is ok, but the sucking would have been weird.

What I hadn't realized was that their profile listed him as 'bi'. That totally threw me for a loop. Mrs. likes me, but Mr. wants to get me naked. He strips me down and shows my low body-fat chest and abs to the Mrs. who is very appreciative, but I keep thinking that he is the one who's really turned on by all of this.

We proceed to the bed and start our fun time - well my fun time with the Mrs. It's fine, he's encouraging me to shag his wife rotten and I oblige. It's at this point I realize that I like to be the stud on show. The Mrs. is not a blazing beauty, but you know, the thought of being the guy to fuck another guy's wife in front of him while he's cheering me on just gets me going. During this first go-round he's touching my arms, back, and legs while I'm betwixt his mate's legs. It's interesting, but it's a bit like getting a chair massage during sex. He's encouraging me and flattering me so it's all good if a bit weird.

We go for a while then take a break. During this break we chit-chat some more, and they're both snuggling me in the middle - he's a bit closer than her. Again, it's not that I dislike it or am uncomfortable with it, it just doesn't do anything for me. It's nice, but it's not sexual for me at all.

During this rest period I have a bit of an epiphany on their relationship. She likes screwing other men, but she wouldn't do it on her own if it wasn't such a big turn on for her husband. He likes lifestyling because it affords him the chance to watch and be with other guys. It works for them because, they both like guys.

After this break we resume our shagging festivities and I make my way out. I thank them for being gracious hosts and wish them well. As I leave I decide I should really have a drink to get my thoughts in order. I proceed over to a favorite bar of mine and swill back a wonderful concoction so I can gather my thoughts. I text TLOML and PP#2 about the night's outings. They're dying for details. I give TLOML the run down when I get home. PP#2, will see this when she reads it or the next time we get together I'll tell her.

I probably will see them again. It was an interestng experience and I'm hoping to see if the Mrs. gets a bit more enthusiastic the second time. I know the Mr. will still be cheering me. I would like to find another, younger couple with a similar situation though i.e. he likes watching his wife be done by another man. I do like being the guy out front. It appeals to my inner exhibitionist.

I don't live in reality, I live in surreality.

It's my own special place!

2008-08-23T08:11:00.000-07:00

How is it hellish to enjoy all sorts of sexual mischief?

Your result for The Sexual HELL Test...

HELL LEVEL 3

Raw score: 86%

There's a special place in Hell for you: the basement penthouse. You scored the nastiest possible score on the Sexual Hell Test. You have no sexual restraint whatsoever. You'll take pleasure however you can get it, and my guess is you get it a lot. If for some reason you don't right now, you will soon, as people in your category only tend to spiral down ever deeper into the abyss of carnality and delicious sin. Congratulations.

I, personally, think that this category is the best. Paradoxically enough, sexual liberation and indulgence can only bring you closer to purity.

AVOID: all but level 3 hellions like yourself. You wouldn't want to ruin anyone, now would you?

Take The Sexual HELL Test at HelloQuizzy

Bugging for posts

2008-08-22T20:31:00.001-07:00

Someone told me that she'd like it if I posted more often to this blog. I would never want to disappoint a wonderful woman like that so I've decided to get posting.

Today was awesome! Go ahead ask me why!

I got to meet and chat with a beautiful and sharp potential paramour. Hold on, let me give you a scorecard. There are several women in my life that would deign to have wild crazy sex with me

TLOML - she's hooked into me by contract so it's lucky that we're both still crazy for one another.
Paramour #1 - she's a wonderful sub who loves to service me. She and I are our regular extra-curricular partners. She's a willing participant in my BDSM needs, and a true pain-lover
Potential paramour #1 - we've had a couple of outings and a whole lot of courtly SMS. It's been fun, but our logistics aren't working
Potential paramour #2 - she is the subject of today. Right now we're involved in courtly SMS, but we may take it further if the logistics work.
Other women I've met but for scheduling or other reasons haven't reached the stage of potentiality

Ok, PP#2 and I got to sit down for a chat today. We had SMSd each other and made our mutual desires clear. I think she found it refreshing and somewhat surprising how direct I was. Within five minutes I was explaining to her why I could meet with her, how it was that TLOML would approve of our rendezvous, and if she knew what the hell she was doing.

After explaining to my satisfaction that she and I were good in the no-drama causing side-effects discussion we had a wonderful chat about things she'd like to do, has done, and possibly will do in the future. As a gentleman, I walked her out to her car and received a wonderful hug and kiss from this beauty.

That sent the rest of my day on an emotional high. Then, as if that weren't enough, I was lucky enough to chat with the Diva herself. That's right, I swapped fingerings with the Debauched Domestic Diva herself! We had a lovely conversation, parts of which will be the subject of future post.

I'll keep you posted

It's just my bag baby

2008-08-19T17:32:00.001-07:00

Your result for The Lover Style Profile Test...

The Liberated Lover

Based on the results of this test, it is highly likely that:

You prefer your romance and love to wild and daring rather than typical or boring, you would rather pursue than be pursued and, when it comes to physical love, your satisfaction comes more from providing a wonderful time to your partner than simply seeking your own.

This places you in the Lover Style of: The Liberated Lover.

The Liberated Lover is a wonderful Lover Style, and forms the kind of free-thinking, sexually-exciting, self-confident lover that society once condemned but that a liberal-mind cherishes and exults. The Liberated Lover is a treasure to find, though it can sometimes be difficult to do so because they are often already engaged in relationships or are in high-demand if "in the market."

In terms of physical love, the Liberated Lover is possibly the most thrilling and demanding of all, with the one potential drawback being that it is possible to feel 'overmatched' at times by their prowess and selfless giving. Given trust and understanding, and the right lover, the Liberated Lover can be a delight in bed.

Best Compatibility can probably be found with: The Exotic Lover (most of all) or the Carnal Lover, or the Suave Lover.

Congratulations!

If you enjoyed this test, I would love the feedback! Also, you might want to check out some of my other tests if you're interested in the following:

Nerds, Geeks & Dorks

Professional Wrestling

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

America/Politics

Thanks Again! -- THE LOVER STYLE PROFILE TEST

Take The Lover Style Profile Test at HelloQuizzy

So, who are you shagging lately

2008-08-06T16:11:00.001-07:00

There is my SO, my #1 and the luckiest woman on earth. I'm shagging her relentlessly and ruthlessly on a regular basis. She is my main pleasure receiver, my B to her D, my S to her M.

There's also paramour #1. She's the sufferer, and suffer well she does. We have a very fun relationship where I make her whimper before we get to banging each other.

Then there are those in the wings.

Posting of note

2008-07-29T17:04:00.000-07:00

Well I've managed to make it almost a year without posting, but vanity has taken the better of me. Going forward, I'm likely to keep updating everyone, on my relentlessly normal sexual activities.

Things you don't need to know

2007-10-15T21:29:00.000-07:00

Greetings,

This is the anonymous blog of the male .5 of a swinging or "lifestyle" relationship. We've started down the path and are working our way along the journey. This is my side of the story complete with my foibiles, insecurities, and triumphs.

Join me. There will be few pics, and mostly text about the humanity of this experiment. Hopefully said prose will entertain, enlighten, and even arouse.